45-year-old single mom revokes 19-year-old daughter’s college fund after she threatens to go no contact, the internet takes daughter’s side: “You’re being vindictive, manipulative”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 19, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. There's few things that are as crucial to have in this world than money and family. They're necessary in our life, but we can choose the relationship we have to them. Some people are born into an incredible and stable family, where their parents don't use strange manipulative or toxic tactics to gain leverage over their children. It may surprise you, but not every parent wants the best for their offspring. At the end of the day, parents are still people with their flaws and good qualities. You just have to hope that their good qualities outweigh their flaws. Trauma within the family is nearly evolutionary. If your parents' great grandparents were bad parents, there's a good chance that their parents weren't so nice to them either, meaning they can only be so much better than their parents. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a single mother who turns to the internet for advice on her situation with her teenage daughter. Her story is that her daughter has withdrawn and become mean after dating a certain boyfriend, and that the daughter is telling her mother she's going no contact. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for Taking My Daughter's College Fund Back After She Said She Was Going No-Contact?

    Cheezburger Image 10507034112
    via dimaberlinphotos / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    A bit of background: I (45F) am a single mom of two kids, Ella (18F) and Jake (16M). My husband cd when the kids were young, and I've worked extremely hard to support them both emotionally and financially. My husband left behind a life insurance policy, and I've been saving part of that money for their college education.
    via u/Good_Guest1421

  • This woman is only going to further isolate her daughter from her. She figures that if she revokes her daughter's college fund that the teenager will come running back to her? No, it will only make her daughter run further the other direction. You can't punish things like that, there's nothing for the daughter to learn. 

  • 03
    Since she was a little girl, Ella has always dreamed of going to a prestigious college. We've had many talks about how important education is, and I made sure she knew that the fund I was building
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 04
    for her and Jake was specifically for their education. I wasn't able to afford luxuries like vacations or new cars, but I wanted to make sure they wouldn't be burdened with student loans.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 05
    Recently, though, things have become strained with Ella. She started dating a guy "Matt" (19M) a few months ago, and I feel like her personality has completely changed since. She's become distant, ride, and dismissive of anything I say. She's said hurtful
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 06
    College ( )
    via zimmytws's Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    things like I "smother her" or "treat her like a child." I've tried giving her space, but last week, during a particularly bad argument, she said she was going no-contact with me once she went to college and would never look back.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 08
    I was devastated. After everything I sacrificed, to hear that she'd cut me out was heartbreaking. I didn't want to react out of emotion, so I waited a few days to cool off, but eventually, I made the decision that if she truly wanted nothing to do with me, then I wasn't going to
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 09
    fund her education. I told her if she's planning to go no-contact with me after college, she should consider her fund off the table, and I'd split it between Jake and myself for other things. She exploded, calling me vindictive, manipulative, and selfish. She thinks I'm trying to control her by dangling the money over her head.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 10
    I've talked to a few friends about this, and reactions have been mixed. Some say I'm within my rights because the money is mine and I can do with it what I see fit.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 11
    Others say that I'm punishing her for her feelings and that I'm being controlling by using the money as leverage.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 12
    So, AITA for taking back my daughter's college fund after she said she was going no-contact with me?
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 13
    Update: First of all, I want to thank everyone who gave advice and genuinely tried to help. After going through the comments, I think the best thing I can do is try to talk things out with Ella. She's my daughter, and she always will be and I will always be there for her if she wants me to.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 14
    As for the money, I'm going to hold onto it for now until I have cleared up whether she is being aed or influenced by her boyfriend but I won't spend it on Jake or myself.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
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    Cheezburger Image 10507034368
    via PeopleImages from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    To those saying I must be a sive or controlling, I want to make it clear that I've never used the college fund to try to control her. The idea of withholding the money didn't even come up until she said she wanted to go no-contact.
    via u/Good_Guest1421
  • 17
    Cute-Profession9983 There are two big questions here 1) Is it the new bf's influence? OR 2) Is there an ongoing underlying issue with you and your daughter that you're either not mentioning or not addressing?
    via u/Cute-Profession9983
  • 18
    Silvrmoon I'm not going to weigh in on this because I feel there is not enough context for it but OP there's a good chance your daughter is being abused/manipulated. It sounds like the bf is isolating
    via u/Silvrmoon
  • 19
    her. Please keep an open mind that she might be a victim of ae/manipulation
    via u/Silvrmoon
  • 20
    White JadedButterfly No contact would mean no financial contact too, why is your daughter so surprised that you'd financially cut her off when she cuts contact with you.
    via u/White JadedButterfly
  • 21
    D <Pyrite Lol. She's either dependant on you, or she's not. She can't have both.
    via u/D**Pyrite
  • 22
    La.... INFO: When she says you're suffocating her and treating her like a child did she give examples? What do you argue about? Is her boyfriend trying to isolate her? How did you react to her dating him?
    via u/Laughingfoxcreates
  • 23
    Way too one sided for me to give a balanced judgment here.
    via u/Laughingfoxcreates
  • 24
    ETA: After reading your update and new comments. yeah YTA. You're intentionally being vague and "not going into details" because you know you won't look good. You got the "idea" to withhold the funds when you realized you were backed in a corner and needed stronger apron strings.
    via u/Laughingfoxcreates
  • 25
    When you two talk make sure you're talking WITH her and not AT her. Altho I have a feeling the "talk" is just going to be you trying to justify yourself...
    via u/Laughingfoxcreates

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